Educational Content

In my efforts to fulfill the FCC requirement for educational programming, I submit what I hope to be the first in a large number of interesting, yet entertaining, clips.

And I know you like it because the Hypnotoad told you to...

Hypnotoad

Just a brief interlude from my joys of impending fatherhood to settle down to the melodious tunes of the Hypnotoad. All hail the Hypnotoad!

We're dorks.

OK. So, not that we are looking to move right now. We are perfectly happy with our home for now. It's big enough for our growing family, and, for heaven's sakes, we've only been there a year.

But, on a Meijer trip the other day we stumbled across the part of town where we will want to move to when we are ready for a bigger place...

We think the subdivision is called: Middle Earth. I kind of want to live on Lorien, but the houses there looked a bit more expensive. I thought Moriah or Rivendell looked really nice, though.

I know....it's sad. We're bringing a child into the world...

What's Scarier than Scary? Me as a Father!

For those of you we couldn't call AND haven't heard from someone else AND haven't seen my wife's blog...Andrea is "with child". It really hasn't hit yet, but we're really excited about the idea of having kids. Andrea is already going insane at times and is constantly hungry and pees every two hours (even through the night). We were worried about that part until we realized that she is now drinking water like there is no tomorrow.

So, two weeks ago we had an interesting two days. Andrea came out of the bathroom saying, "Dan, can you look at this for me." So I went into the bathroom and saw a taken pregnancy test. Now, in the Marlow home this has not been unusual for a few months now. If Andrea is 30 seconds late, she's taken a test. This time was different, though, because she wasn't sure if it was positive. Let me help you out for any of you planning to use home tests in the future. The instructions say "99.9% accurate" and "easy to read double line system with control", but for us it wasn't easy, though apparently accurate. Let me take you through the process:

Not Pregnant =



Pregnant =



Now, let me illustrate what we saw on our bathroom counter:




For those of you thinking, "Wow, that's exactly like 'not pregnant'." Take another look. If your monitor is good enough you will see what I am talking about. Andrea and I spent about 10 minutes staring at this thing before we realized how close our faces were to a stick that she had just peed on. (Also note, cheap pregnancy tests are cheap because the instructions are all in Spanish and there's no cap to cover what I affectionately call the pee wick.)

Well, Dan was off to Meijer to pick up some more pregnancy tests (with instructions in English AND Spanish AND pee wick covers) much like I had done many times the past few months. While I was there I picked up some of that Crest no-burning mouth rinse. It totally doesn't burn and it leaves my mouth feeling cool and refreshed.

The next morning brought that magical fluid known as "first morning's urine", which apparently has the most pregnancy hormone in it. I was greeted with the following sight:




This told us three things:
1.) Spanish pregnancy tests are as good as the expensive ones
2.) Our pregnancy hopes were still alive
3.) I really needed to clean our bathroom countertops

Well, to cut the story short: Any line at all means you're pregnant. The doctor told her the next day and her OB accidentally confirmed it last week. But I could have confirmed it without pee. Andrea's been undergoing some obvious changes (obvious to her husband). Let me illustrate:

Before
- Andrea eats most of the food on her plate
- Andrea rarely finishes her milk
- Andrea sleeps through the night
- Andrea only cries or panics for a reason

After
- Andrea eats 2 or 3 helpings of food per sitting
- Andrea drinks 2 glasses of milk with dinner and one right before bed
- Andrea pees like it's going out of style, including at least twice per night
- Andrea cries and panics for no reason

Ahh well. It promises to be an interesting nine months. I hope to keep you all up-to-date.

Brothers! Bar-be-que!

So my brother is now a New Yorker. For those who do not know it yet, Pedro the Lion is a big man in the Big Apple. Life must be boring in Gotham because he started a blog, which judging from the first post is going to be focussing on the richness of the human spirit...or something like that. Check it out at:

http://petemarlowsblog.blogspot.com/

(He's updated it now...to http://petesblog83.blogspot.com/)

I dare you....

PS: Since I haven't posted in a while (I've been busy, so sue me) I brought you a treat to make it up to you. I joined the You Tube family and so have some of you. Please enjoy the following videos from my life:

Jay Piggott IS "The Running Man"

Big Pine Lodge Squirrel

Doggie Paddle

Peter and Megan Serenade us with Christmas Carols

X-MEN

Andrea and I spent last Friday celebrating our "Big 0-3", our third anniversary. Because my wife is the coolest woman ever, we went to see X-Men 3. (Her idea, I swear.) It was quite a good one. Not quite as good as the other ones, but certainly good enough to stand next to them.

Throughout the movie, the were referencing some form of mutant quantification and classification, like, "No one here is above a class 3 mutant" or "She's the first class 5 mutant I've come into contact with." So, mutants apparently have a caste system of their own. It got me thinking about all the lowly class 1 mutants with powers that aren't as terrifying or...well...immune to mockery. I think I've come up with some of them for you, as well as an artist's rendering of them using their mutant powers to defeat evil (or in some cases, "annoy" evil until help arrives). Andy, feel free to submit my masterful MS Paint drawings as a portfolio for entrance into your school. On second thought, I clearly do not require further training.

Jean-Pierre Poissant (Mutant name: Chef)
Following in the same vein as dangerous mutants who can manipulate thoughts of others, Chef discovered as an early age that he could manipulate the tastes of others. While making his mother breakfast in bed, he burned the crepes, spilled salt in the orange juice, and ran out of wine so he resorted to mixing wine vinegar with sugar. After seeing the food, his mother was hesitant to taste the chunky OJ and cajun crepes, but, being a great mom, tasted it anyway. To her surprise they were the best things she had ever tasted. Jean-Pierre's mutant powers had manipulated her taste buds to taste only good things.

Jackson C. Turtel (Mutant name: Turtle)
One morning in seventh grade the wildly unpopular (and ironically named) Jack Turtel was acosted by multiple bullies in the hallway. It was tradition for these young men to daily pummel Jack to work out their issues of sexual confusion and parental neglect. It was quickly apparent to them that today was different. Stepping back, the terrified teens realized that Jack had lost his head, arms and legs. They ran away, fearing the obvious repercussions for accidentally drawing and quartering a fellow classmate on school property. Little did they know that Jack, out of fear had inadvertantly discovered that he could retract his extremities into his torso. Later that day at track tryouts he would discover his other power of losing races.

Heather Atkins (Mutant name: Pastanator)
[inspired by Dane Cook]
Daughter of the famed diet guru Dr. Atkins was sick of eating bacon, steak, and eggs. One day after school she noticed weird soft growths on the tips of her fingers. It came off rather easily and smelled of carbohydrates, so she tasted it. It turned out to be spaghetti. This mutant occurring phenomenon kept her well fed in trials and famine, as she was soon ostrasized by her protein-conscious family. With training, she was able to fire strands of pasta from her fingers, all while speaking her catch-phrase "You're very rude, enjoy your spaghetti."

Jennifer Meade (Mutant name: Teacher's Pet)
[actually in the movie]
This mutant upset her teachers in middle school when she never came to class prepared with a writing utensil. This mood turned to fear when she was still able to take perfect notes by passing her hand over the paper. Unfortunately for Jennifer, she was still a poor student, as she refused to study the notes that she took. Named Teacher's Pet by fellow students who noticed that she spent a great deal of time talking up her astounding ability to Professor Xavier. The name stuck, but she is not often allowed to go on regular X-Men missions, as...well...the power is kind of lame.

??? (Mutant name: That Jerk Who Keeps Erasing My Stuff)
The most mysterious and least liked X-Man. One day while responding to a disturbance at a local Best Buy, the X-Men broke up a mob ready to lynch a huddling mutant in the fetal position (incidentally, his only defence mechanism). It turns out, in his idea of a prank he had walked into the store and used his mutant power to erase every form of media in the store. Books, tapes, DVDs, CDs, ROM chips, nothing is safe from his mysterious Mu rays. Ergo (concordantly, vivra sa vie) nothing is safe from his lame, childish behavior. No one can be certain, but his power seems to be limited to erasure of any form of recorded media used to transfer information.

Raymond Charles Adler (Mutant name: Universal Remote)
[actually in the movie]
Losing the remote control between the couch cushions is no problem when you are friends with the insomniac boy, known by those closest to him as "Remote". He can operate any VCR, DVD player, TV, stereo, receiver, or laser disc player controlled normally by an infrared remote control device. If you come across any device he cannot control, don't worry. All you have to do is hold the existing remote up to his eyes and push every button in succession. After 30 seconds, you can throw your old remote away and use your newly programmed Raymond instead.

Lucas Warmbier (Mutant name: Luke Warm)
As some mutants can manipulate fire or turn anything to ice. Lucas' power controls temperature, though not in an extreme manner. He can change tea that's too hot to tea that is tepid and gross. But not back again. Too cold in the room? Not with Lucas, who can quickly alter the temperature to a comfortable 72 degrees. Like your sauna at 170 degrees? Don't invite Lucas for a steam. Soon it will be two naked guys sitting in a tiled room, feeling a little chilled and exposed.

"It might be feasible in a fortnight"

Ok. So I guess I'll join the club (a few weeks late) and talk a bit about home schooling. Not that anyone really cares about what I have to say, but rather...I'm bored babysitting at work and can't watch a movie because that would be too obvious in the lab. (It looks more like work when you are typing at the computer than laughing hysterically in your chair.)

Like most things in this world my views on home schooling have been shaped in part by the Simpsons. Remember that episode where the teachers went on strike and super-intelligent cyborgs hadn't been invented yet? Bart was home schooled (why wasn't Lisa?) and Milhouse had a British-accented tutor. (NOT a Tudor...that's something different.) In Thrillhouse's case, home schooling signaled a veritable educational boom. He spent his outdoor time immersing himself in reading about the Teapot Dome Scandal (which rocked the presidency of the esteemed Warren G. Harding) and speaking in multi-syllable words. I suspect the positive aspects of Poindexter's change were more a result of separation from Bart, than from the influence of the home on his studies.

Bart underwent a more behavioral change. With no one to show off to, Bart's behavior seemed to degenerate from acting out in traditional ways (painting "El Barto" on the school walls) to less textbook examples (flying a kite at night).

This episode taught me one valuable thing that applies to home schooling (as well as the rest of the parenting life): It totally depends on the kid and the teacher. A tutor and a relatively calm boy results in a successful learning experience (though often at the expense of more "childlike" endeavours, ie-recess). A stay-at-home mom with a high school diploma and a problem child is not going to work out so good. I have cousins who are home schooled and have developed fine. I have seen well-behaved children at youth group home schooled to the point where they can barely spell their name, read a book, add two numbers. But, MAN! Can they tell you Bible stories!

I know what Andrea and I plan to do with our children (Stevie Ray and Bettie Lou), but we live in the Utica School District, which graudates almost 93% of its students, so we don't have to worry about local quality of education. As far as issues of worldly influences on our children, I feel comfortable knowing that if I can raise my child to learn how to pick appropriate peer groups and remain constantly involved in their lives, bring them to church, etc., then together we can use the Word to "extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one."

That is certainly not to say that those who home school are weenies and have weak faith. Let me say it again: Certainly not. Look at how well Bart and Milhouse do when Springfield Elementary is operating on all cylinders. Bart could be helped and Milhouse can find balance between school and being a kid, and it doesn't look like Skinner is going to help. I guess what it comes down to is this: Who knows the kids best? Their parents. If you want me to tell you which way to go on this issue, I can't. Mostly because I haven't taken enough interest in your kid to pay attention to what educational issues they might have. I haven't taken enough interest in you to figure out if you are suited to developing a satisfactory home school cirriculum.

Sorry.